Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Powhatan Church Softball: It Came from Humble Beginnings

Throughout the course of the season I will be answering questions pertaining to Powhatan Church Softball. If you've got one just send it my way.

I know some of you may be wondering how Church Softball rose to the top of the Powhatan Sports food chain. It's a legitimate question. As it rests now, Church softball rivals PHS football and BHS woman's bowling for the most kick ass sport on the contemporary Powhatan athletic scene. But, again, how did it get there?


Q: How did Powhatan Church softball start?

Liam from Great Britain

A: Back in the early-late 1800s, when there was only one church in the entire county (the aptly named Powhatan County Church), a wise, grey-bearded priest by the name of Ace Allenwrench made the first strides towards creating what we know now as the Powhatan Church Softball League. It began when a disgruntled member of Pastor Allenwrench's congregation informed him that a lot of the members of the church were 'fed up with all that talk about eternal damnation' and that they 'needed a sport that could both sing the praises of our lord and savior Jesus Christ and be played efficiently after downing 6-7 cups of the strongest mead.' Pastor Allenwrench, being the altruistic and virtuous priest that he was, decided to meet the demands of his beloved congregation. Armed with the power of the Lord and a corn cob pipe filled with the finest Virginian tobacco, Allenwrench somehow managed to scrape together the framework for a sport we know today as Church Softball. Tragically, he suffered a stress-induced stroke days later and died in a pile of hay just outside his home. Although he never got to witness a game of the sport he so valiantly invented, his legacy rides triumphantly on, not unlike Jesus riding a stern ass into Jerusalem. The field on which all Powhatan Church Softball League games are played on, Aces Diamond, is named in his honor. Legend has it that on certain nights, especially after a church softball game has been played, you can smell the delicious scent of Allenwrench's favorite tobacco wafting lazily through the air.

Most-to-none of that is true, but it's one hell of a story.

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